Growing up, when I had a lot of different toys and action figures and things of that nature, one of the most frequent toys I played with was ninja turtle action figures. This stemmed mainly from my older brother being into the first TMNT movies that came out in the early 80s, and partly just because the Ninja Turtles were really, really cool. For those that may not be as into the turtles as myself and my family, a thing to know about them is their primary story involves stumbling into some radioactive ooze. They, along with a rat named Splinter, become enlarged to the size for which the Turtles are known. They’re more or less the size of a human being. Maybe slightly bigger, but roughly the same height and very robust. Now, when watching this on TV or at the movies I thought it was understood that this was a fictional story, and that these reptiles could never get that big.

Granted there are some big tortoises, but for the most part, rats and turtles shouldn’t be as big as humans. Then I moved to Chicago, andI would see ratsfrom time to time. It is Chicago, you know. It’s a big city and there obviously are going to be rats around. That’s just kind of how it works. But last night, I think I saw the biggest rat I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I would mistake a rat for a rabbit, but last night I saw one that looked as big, if not bigger. These are images that can keep you up

at night and make you keep an eye on the bushes as you walk by. I think if this rat and I had e

ngaged in a boxing match, the rat would have easily won. It was the biggest thing I’ve ever seen, and I think it could be an extra in the next turtle movie. Here’s to hoping I make it to write the next column, and I am not attacked by a giant rat. Howe

ver, there is always that possibility, as they’re getting bigger and bigger every time I see them.


Go, Cubs. Boo, rats.